Whatever Doesn't Float Your Daniel
by delightisadream
Summary: It's been two weeks since Emma chose Jax, and with the T3 aggravating Daniel more than usual, this beanstalk isn't too happy.


**I wrote this last year for lovethatignites' birthday, I believe, and a few of my friends got to read this as well. However, this is a preeeetty good oneshot, so why not upload it?**

 **WARNING: It's really weird, but come on - it's a Daniel story written by me. Did you think it'd be normal?**

* * *

Too many things had changed over the course of the past few weeks, and Dawniel Miler – I, I mean DANIEL MILLER – wasn't sure if it was for the best.

Two weeks ago, his long-term girlfriend (whom he had an on/off relationship at one point) was put in the position to choose between him…or the dreaded _Australian_ , Jax Novoa.

Emma Alonso not only chose Jax over Daniel, but she let him take her hand and tele-transported them both to the Iridium High School swimming pool. Daniel could only imagine what they did from that point on. _Probably some really heated cheek kisses,_ he thought in agony.

Now Emma was a witch. Let me expand: a _literal_ witch. She had magic, and was The Chosen One, leading even the Witches' Council (who hated Daniel, just like most others). She had every right to be conceited and act like a total show-off, but she didn't. She never did. Because Daniel hated her for whom she truly was.

He considered magic as 'cheating', and since he hated cheaters, magic didn't exactly fall into his very short list of likes. Also in the dislike category was liars. And Emma was one.

She was fourteen when she first discovered she was a witch, and later, The Chosen One. The magic realm was very secretive, and letting humans into their world was not something they did – no, no, they erased their memories. So naturally, Emma did not attempt to tell Daniel she was a witch; especially since he already confirmed he did not like magic anyway.

But she told Andi Cruz. And Tony Myers. And Maddie Van Pelt (another one of Daniel's ex-girlfriends, the REAL on/off one) was a witch too. So Katie Rice knew. And Sophie Johnson. And Diego Rueda, Daniel's BEST FRIEND was a Kanay. That meant he could control the four elements and then some. So Mac Davis learned, too. And their old principal, Ms. Torres, who just so happened to be an ex-Chosen One herself, knew too. Her frog-turned-son, swim team coach Julio, obviously knew. Along with that, Maddie's mother, Ursula, and the school nurse, Lily, were powerless witches. And Emma's deceased mother Maria was a witch, but she gave up her powers for Emma's father Francisco.

So basically, Daniel was the only one who didn't know. And no one knew that anyone else knew. It was a very confusing introduction to high school, which pretty much laid out how the rest of their four years would be.

Daniel eventually found out, and he and Emma began to date anyway. However, after Maddie and Emma joined forces for the first time to take down Principal Torres, it appeared she had lost her powers. The spell they cast together was really powerful, and definitely drained her energy for awhile. Daniel was very glad about this, but managed to keep a neutral tone about the whole episode.

The very next day, Emma tried to cast a spell in front of Daniel to demonstrate that she really lost them, and sure enough, nothing happened. Daniel continued down the hallway without her, and _then_ her spell worked, spouting flowers everywhere. Coincidental? Probably not. Magic didn't really like Daniel that much, either.

So Emma hid her powers from her boyfriend. Andi knew they were back, and of course Lily did too. Mac and Tony went off for different schools and activities, but they most likely would've known about the change. Diego began hanging around Maddie and the Panthers (Sophie and Katie) more often, as he started to develop feelings for the newly-powerless witch. The year before, when both witches were thought to have lost their powers, Maddie actually _did_. Little did she know that her powers had spiraled out of control and landed on her own mother, who simply could NOT bear to lose them.

And then there was a new kid: Jax. Daniel didn't find out until much, MUCH later, but he was a very experienced and lenient wizard. He not only charmed Emma, but helped her with her spells after discovering she had powers. Emma actually HAD AN ENTIRE CONVERSATION WITH HIM IN HER HOUSE about the previous year's events, including how she thought she lost her powers. Everyone knew she had her powers back, even the _new_ kid, but Daniel didn't? That was too much. So when he found out, he broke up with her. For the _first_ time.

He didn't even want her back. Not until he saw Jax around her more often. Their rivalry really sparked then, and he got Jax, who had given up his powers to protect Emma from the Witches' Council, to become bent on getting his powers _back._ But did Daniel care? No; of course not.

Jax was ultimately exposed for trying to take over the magic realm, due to his father's orders. It was NOT Jax's plan. And even though Emma went back to Daniel, she stayed close friends with the wizard, which would cause them to grow even closer the next year.

In summer, the year before their junior year, Daniel and Emma actually had a very stable relationship – i.e., BORING. Then things got shaken up again. Mia Black decided to show her face, and she was, in fact, a Kanay attempting to destroy witchkind. She even incorporated Daniel into her plan by putting a spider seal on him, which made his inner wild come out. During that stage, he was a complete douche to Emma, and everyone, for the record – other than Mia. They liked each other. A lot. But being himself, Daniel denied it once the spider seal was off.

Even so, he protected Mia more than anyone would for someone they supposedly didn't like. He was still on her side after she told him about her intentions! His behavior was making  
Emma mad, therefore, when she had a conversation with Daniel about both Jax and Mia, they broke up for good.

Being the doof he was, Daniel wanted her back. But that wasn't going to happen, and he eventually kicked Mia out of the equation completely, thus letting both her and Emma get sucked into Phillip's homeland – a Zombie Apocalypse game. Jax went in after the girls and a magic book of spells, Hex, and Maddie got the three out in one piece. After everyone but Daniel, Jax, and Emma had left the Millers' garage, Emma had to choose.

And that choice ultimately left Daniel a lifetime of crying.

Everything in the world was different, including Emma's father. Being Iridium High's principal, he gave Daniel detention 24/7. But as of two weeks ago, he was always in a chipper mood. Who knew no detentions could make a beanstalk so upset?

He reflected on all of this in a super sexy position by crossing his arms and scowling as he walked home one day. Once he reached his house, he looked across the street at Emma's house and sighed extra-dramatically, because who actually sighs at a house? He moved, allowing his backpack to bounce up and down his back before walking straight through the grass to the back door leading into his garage-bedroom.

Upon entering his garage-bedroom, he came face to…well, hips to a small pool where the couch used to be. (He was so tall…) "T3!" he exclaimed, unbuckling the front of his backpack straps on his chest, then ripping his bag off and throwing it to the right violently. It landed at his feet.

Tommy tried to look overtop the pool. "Oh, hi Daniel," he said, waving at his oldest brother.

He put his hands on his hips and stuck a leg out in its usual pose. "Hi," he grumbled, squinting as he surveyed the rest of his room. "What are _do_ inggg?" he whined.

Robbie circled around the pool and tilted his head at a one hundred seventy-five degree angle to see Daniel's face. "We're installing this pool."

He gasped, although anyone else could clearly tell that's what was happening. "You guys KNOW I was never able to float in a pool because of my height! You're meanies!"

Melanie sighed, crossing her arms over her chest, but not in the super sexy way Daniel did. "Then why are you on the _swim team_?"

His face went white at that. "I hadn't thought of that. Oh no!" He grasped a handful of hair.

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we're planning a prank to retaliate against the H2O."

"Yeah, so stop complaining. We have problems bigger than you, Daniel," Robbie snapped, grabbing a Nerf ball nearby and tossing it towards the general direction of Daniel's head.

It whizzed past his hair. He turned to his right, then his left, sniffing. "I thought bugs couldn't get this high up. Huh."

Tommy grimaced. "Guys, I'm feeling uncomfortable again."

Melanie put an arm around him, followed by Robbie. "Let's go, Tom."

"We'll plan somewhere we don't have to see…" Robbie scratched his head on their way out, rethinking his wording. "Well not that we really _could_ see, but we won't be near him," he finished reassuringly.

Tommy breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. That's good."

When they shut the door, Daniel stood there, his face contorting to an unbearable state. "OH MY BUDDHA!" he shouted, coughing violently.

He had caught a whiff of Daniel.

* * *

Tomorrow wasn't much better.

While his scent seemed to stop traveling into his nostrils, Daniel was still sulking. He was so upset he was visibly three feet shy of his regular height. It would've been a nice change other than the fact people could see his face.

He was stoop-squatting his way through Iridium High's halls when he heard whistling. The same whistling everyone had heard nonstop for two weeks.

Francisco strolled around a corner, swinging his arms back and forth and kicking up dust into the air. Whenever he stopped to catch his breath, a huge smile spread across his face, and then he was back into whistling a happy tune. He had more color in his skin and never looked mad.

Even though Daniel was angry, he wasn't the only one. Plenty of students – Maddie being one of them – hated how constant his pleasure was. Sure, it would've been creepy to see him smiling twenty-four-seven, but the whistling was getting old. So, no, Daniel wasn't the only student annoyed. He was just annoyed for a different reason which no one cared about.

When the principal caught sight of the loser, his frown returned. Was that – could it be? Daniel was hopeful!

"Mr. Miller. I will not tolerate your idiotic and doofy behavior any longer. You have detention after school tomorrow." Francisco pointed a finger at the specimen, who had just shot up one foot.

"Really?!" he exclaimed, bunching to and 'fro.

"Of course!" he hollered, but then his grin reappeared. "You're not happy enough! You're not happy at all. Why, there's always a reason to be happy, and my daughter breaking up with you for Mr. Novoa is the best reason of all!" His smile was so infectious Daniel's nose twitched. Really, really smoothly, too. But Francisco wasn't done talking yet. "In fact, I think I'm going to make sure you eat a lot of candy in detention. Yes! That's it! That'll make you happier!" He leaned in, even though Daniel's head was nowhere near his. "The candy will be safe this time. I promise." He chuckled, waving his hands. "Not like last time."

Daniel was appalled. Francisco was trying to make him happy. And just like that, he shrunk four feet.

As Francisco left, whistling once again, Andi passed him on her way to Daniel. She groaned as soon as the principal was out of earshot. "Oh my gosh," she moaned, rubbing her temples. "His whistling is insufferable."

Daniel scratched the back of his knee. "What does that mean?" he questioned, his face scrunched up from concentration.

Andi glanced at his face and gagged, turning away for a moment. "Never mind." Then she turned back. "Whoa!"

Daniel crossed his arms and made a super sexy scowl. "What?" he spat, nearly getting saliva in her hair. "Are Emma and Jax making out behind me? They've had sex in the hallway before."

Andi shook her head. "No, that's not–" she leaned to the right where she could see further down the hallway. "Never mind, you're right." He growled. "What I said 'whoa' about is I can see the top of your head!"

He flared out his nostrils and jutted his chin out. "You've seen my head before."

"Not since we were three and our parents were in the pool with us, playing chicken!"

That did it. Daniel's fly was coming undone and he was ready to rip off his clothes. "The T3 installed a pool. In MY GARAGE-BEDROOM. AGH!" He turned and charged towards the boys' restroom, breaking through and leaving a Daniel-shaped hole in the door.

Andi clutched her stomach. "You're kidding me." Off she ran in search of a trashcan.

After detention the next day, Daniel came through his front door, opening the door this time. He was greeted by his mother coming catch him in the living room and kitchen divider.

"Hi, Danny," she smiled, placing a hand on her son's arm. "How was your day?"

He scrunched up his eyebrows, making them even bushier than usual. "I got pushed down the stairs again," he admitted, tears threatening to trickle down his annoying face.

Christine sighed. "Oh, sweetie." She cupped his face. "Wait, now. Were you pushed, or did you trip again?"

He dropped his gaze to the floor and mumbled, twisting his foot around.

"Danny," his mother prodded.

"MY SHOELACES ARE OUT TO GET ME, OKAY?!"

She smiled sadly, letting her arm drop. "Danny, your shoelaces are not out to get you. They are inanimate objects. That's unrealistic."

He bit the inside of his cheek, but it hurt and he started howling as it bled. He had to sit on the floor while Christine shone a flashlight in his mouth.

"Mahh," he tried to say without moving. It was going as well as his life. "Thaa See-Fee avv ah pawh." **(Translation: "Mom, the T3 have a pool.")**

"What'd you say, Daniel?" Christine asked, tilting his head forward just a bit.

He concentrated. "Theh Ferrihal HEE–" **(Translation: "The Terrible THREE")**

Just then, Rick jogged past them in his swim trunks, carrying multiple pool noodles, an inner tube around his body. "Hold on! I'm bringing more!"

Daniel looked at his father, gaping.

Rick turned to his wife. "Christine. We got six kids in now, just so you know."

Christine gave him a stern look, hands on her hips. "Rick, you're supposed to be monitoring them!"

Rick shuffled his feet, then said, "You didn't say I couldn't monitor them from in the pool," and darted down the hall.

Daniel stifled a choked sob, and stood up, closing his mouth for a second.

Christine turned back to her big son. "Oh, Danny, I wasn't done checking."

He slapped his leg on the floor, near tears. "This isn't fair! The T3 took space out of my room and are probably just hanging out with their friends!"

Robbie passed by just then, in jeans and a T-shirt – clearly not a pool outfit. "The H2O are NOT our friends, Daniel," he corrected snottily. He shook his head at the giant. "Have some common sense."

Daniel opened his mouth, climbing to his feet. "Well I–"

His little brother brushed him off. "I don't care about your problems," he said, holding up a hand and briskly walking past him in the opposite direction of the pool.

Christine took a step forward. "Now Daniel, don't get upset."

But he was doofily determined. He groped around until his hands found his belt loops and pulled upward. "OW!" Too far up. He slid them down a bit, then ran to his garage-bedroom's door.

He ended up bursting through a door _yet again_ , and fell poof first into the pool. This shaved off a good two inches of said poof. The T3 expanded the pool before he got home from detention so it was now the entire garage.

Andi swam away from Emma, who was floating, over to Daniel. She grabbed his hair and yanked him above surface, letting her feet drop to the floor. "Daniel, are you okay?" she asked, combing her tangled hair back with a hand.

Daniel took in his surroundings and couldn't believe it. JAX WAS IN HIS HOUSE. TALKING TO HIS FATHER. IN HIS OLD SPEEDO. "OH MY BUDDHA, DAD!"

Rick gripped the edge of the pool, as he and Jax were sitting on top of it. He glanced at his son. "I'm sorry, Jax, do you mind?" he asked, favoring his guest over his own flesh and blood.

Daniel's hair poofed. "DAD! WHY IS JAX WEARING MY OLD SPEEDO?!"

Andi sputtered, turning around to look at the wizard. "Oh my gosh, are you actually wearing Daniel's speedo?" She covered her mouth, unable to contain her laughter.

Emma cutely spun to tilt her head and raise an eyebrow at her boyfriend. Jax grinned at her and winked. She chuckled, looking down. Of course he wouldn't actually wear something that had touched Daniel's body parts.

Maddie was laying on a big, puffy, inflatable sun tan lounger, despite the fact they were inside with no windows nearby. Sophie was swimming underneath her every now and then. Maddie had sunglasses covering her eyes, but her rolling them was unmistakable. "Seriously, Daniel. I hate Jax, but he at least has the BODY for it." She glanced at her ex-boyfriend, lifting her glasses up for a moment before putting them back down. That was all she needed to see of Daniel for another seven years. He was like a curse you couldn't break.

Emma took in her ex-boyfriend, too. He didn't look too good, so she floated over to him. "Daniel, are you okay?" she asked, indicating his trip into the pool. Andi, however, took it differently.

Andi snorted, "Emma, come on. What kind of a–"

Emma turned to her. "Andrea," she said sharply, immediately shutting her up. Looking back at Daniel she repeated the question.

His eyes clouded over as he realized what she doing. Then he screamed. "EMMA, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME!"

She let the water gently push her away from him. "What are you talking about?"

"YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FLOAT IN A POOL CUZ I'M TOO LONG! HOW DARE YOU?"

Her eyes were kind as she told him, "Oh, well I can teach you, if you want–"

He cried out awkwardly and turned around, rushing out the door. While doing so, however, he broke part of the doorway and ceiling. Since he already broke the door, it knew to fall atop him, trapping the specimen under its light weight. There was a Daniel-shaped hole in it, after all; a lot of the original wood wasn't even there anymore.

"AUGHGHGH!" he grunted, managing to turn his head so he could see the hallway. "Tommy! Melanie! Rob–"

"NO ONE CARES!" Robbie hollered from wherever he was in the house. The words were clear as day, though, so everyone knew he meant it.

Daniel squinted against the door, holding back his tears. "MOM!"

Christine came rushing around the corner and knelt by her son. "Awe, Danny. Another hole shaped like you…"

"MOMMY, GET IT OFF ME!" he screamed, wiggling his limbs around.

"Alright, alright, stop squirming, Daniel." She started to get a grip on the door and lifted some of the weight off of her son. Unfortunately, the doorknob snagged on his armpit.

His eyes were wide now, crying out loud. "BUDDHA, THAT HURT!"

Sophie popped up from being under water, getting a gulp of air before yelling, "DID SOMEONE SAY KOALA?!"

Christine slowly breathed, lifting the door up the whole way, avoiding any contact with her son. "Daniel…"

Rick slid off the edge and walked a bit closer to his wife. "Christine, do you need any help?"

Jax followed suit and swam to his Em, who was blushing red.

"Daniel, for the last time, I'm not Buddha. And we're Catholic," Christine said.

Sophie jumped at the word Buddha. "THERE IT IS AGAIN!" she said excitedly, jumping too close to Rick and nearly drowning him.

Jax and Emma, ever the power couple, sprang into action. Jax retrieved Rick while Emma silently cast a spell so Sophie could stay underwater searching for koalas.

Jax patted Daniel's dad's back. "You okay, Mr. Miller?"

Rick nodded, panting a bit. He threw an arm around Jax and wagged a finger at him. "Now you better call me Rick, for saving my life."

Emma grinned, snuggling up to Jax on his other side. "You saved his life, Jaxy." Her eyes were full of adoration as she stared up into his.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on her forehead. "All in a day's work, Em," he whispered, grinning against her skin. "All in a day's work."

"I'm ready!" They turn to see Tommy running past Daniel and his mother, putting his hands on the top of the pool side. He had adorable arm floaties with little fish on them. "I'm ready to swim!"

Andi smiled and swam over to help him in.

Daniel, who was now standing next to the door his mother was holding, started screeching again. "Those are MY floaties, Tommy!" he whined, setting his intense glare on his littlest brother.

Tommy glanced back at him as Andi set him down. "I believe these would fit on your arms, Daniel, but come on," she commented, looking him up and down as if he were disgusting. Which he was.

Daniel shook his head, tears spilling everywhere. A few hit Christine in the face. "But I don't want them POPPED! For the…" he trailed off in sudden realization that two plus three was way too much for him to subtract. He turned to his mother. "Mom, is three plus two fifteen?" he frantically whispered, glancing at Andi and Tommy, who stood staring at him with disturbed looks on their faces. The others would've mirrored their expressions, but they'd already had their fair share of Daniel and did NOT want any more.

Tommy sighed, "It's five, Daniel," and gave his brother one final glance before swimming away with Andi's assistance.

But Daniel didn't stop there. No, of course not. He kept complaining.

"Danny, would you feel better if you watched _Make It Poop_?" Christine questioned, and it was like a bomb went off.

Andi burst out laughing, forming bubbles in the water when her mouth got too close. Jax just smirked from across the room, as he thought Emma would disapprove if he laughed. But she was beside him, cringing. Maddie groaned, whipping out her cell phone and pressing a few buttons, putting it to her ear. "Diego, he's _here_ ," she informed her boyfriend.

Daniel started screaming again. "THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU'RE JUST IN IT!"

Rick decided to butt in. "No, it isn't! I tried to kick you out last week!"

"WHAT?"

He threw his arms out, narrowly missing Tommy's head. "I told you that _Make It Poop_ was PROBABLY on somewhere else and that you should GO and WATCH IT THERE! But apparently, YOUR constipation issues reside in THIS. HOUSE."

Daniel moved so he was closer to the pool, but not physically touching it. Everyone knew how he felt about physical contact, Maddie and Emma more than others. "Okay, so maybe this isn't MY house and no one WANTS me here," Rick nodded at this, "but this IS MY GARAGE-BEDROOM. AND YOU'RE ALL TRESPASSING!" Having said what he needed to say, he stomped his foot, but he made a dent in the floor.

Instantly, water began pouring out of the pool, causing the group to grumble.

Sophie popped up above surface and turned to send a death glare at Daniel. "You chased my koalas away." And without further adieu, she swam to the edge fast as a cheetah and pounced on the beanstalk, beating him up.

Maddie sat up in her float, ripping off her sunglasses, a grin spreading across her face. "This is the greatest day of my life!"

Andi stood beside her, nodding and laughing. "Ditto." They fist bumped.

Emma covered her mouth and buried her head into the crook of Jax's neck. "Jax. I don't like fights."

Jax just held her closer, running a soothing hand through her hair, as his mouth was too occupied with laughing.

Rick groaned and threw his hands up. "Not only will his blood permanently be on my hallway floor, but I have to fix all this?"

Tommy swam over to him and poked his side, smiling. "I'll help you, Dad. I'm pretty sure we have the supplies in our prank closet."

Rick looked down and sighed, smiling. "Thanks, son." He ruffled his hair and they started to the back entrance.

Daniel whined, crying. "DAD, YOU'RE LEAVING. YOU'RE ALL STILL IN MY HO–OWWW!" Sophie had landed a hard punch to his jaw. And even though he continued crying, everyone else felt a bit better. His face was still messed up, even more so now. But they couldn't really see any features anymore.

That pool brought a lot of joy. For everyone that counted, anyway.

* * *

 ***smirky smirk smirk* Obviously, this was before Rick ricked.**

 **Review!**


End file.
